


Bare Your Soul, Bare Your Scars

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Conversations, Established Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, POV Bisexual Character, POV Male Character, POV Robert Sugden, Romance, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 16:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8586103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: After they get back together post-trial, Aaron refuses to take his top off, and Robert tries to handle this the right way. Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

The first time after the trial, Aaron kept his shirt on, and Robert wishes he’d stopped to think, but he hadn’t. _Yes, I’m sure_ and _I’ve missed you_ , hearing those words in combination with Aaron’s touch had almost overloaded him, and he’d let Aaron take the lead and set the pace with him happily going along for the ride.

Afterwards, he’d been wondering if he could stay, and when Aaron made it clear there wasn’t even a question he would, Robert had wrapped around him and quickly fallen asleep.

Except, Aaron keeping his top on had continued, and the one time he’d tried to bring it up, Aaron had gotten irritated and almost made him leave.

He’s been biding his time since, and he knows with his nerves dancing unpleasantly under his skin, this might not be the right time, either.

It’s Saturday morning, Liv’s still over at Gabby’s, and Chas is down in the pub. Beside him, Aaron’s slowly coming around to the smell of food he’s brought up. Rolling over and cracking open his eyes, he murmurs, “Morning.”

“Morning.” Leaning down and running a hand through Aaron’s hair, Robert kisses him.

Stretching, Aaron sits up and practically devours the food with his eyes. “What’s this, then?”

Setting the plate on Aaron’s lap and handing him his brew, he answers, “Breakfast. You see, it’s this meal that-”

Jabbing him with his elbow, Aaron mutters some choice words. “I meant- you obviously made it, and you’ve brought it up here? Why?”

“I wanted to treat ya,” he answers.

Shaking his head, Aaron nevertheless begins to tuck in. “Why?”

“Can’t I just want to treat my boyfriend?”

A soft smile briefly crosses Aaron’s face.

When he’s done, he wiggles away from the kiss Robert tries to give him. “After I brush my teeth, yeah?”

Setting aside the plate, Robert waits at the edge of the bed, and when Aaron comes back, Robert pulls him over and down enough to kiss him.

Robert knows he should try talking, first, but part of him is hoping he can just slide his hands under Aaron’s shirt, eventually pull it off, and not have to.

It’s not surprising when Aaron redirects his hands before they can get underneath the shirt.

Tugging Aaron down onto the bed, Robert doesn’t let himself be pulled along. “Let’s talk a minute, yeah?”

Giving what might be a slightly hurt (Robert desperately hopes it’s not), confused look, Aaron asks, “Since when do you want to talk when we could be shagging?”

This is an incredibly fair point, and Aaron slipping his hands under Robert’s shirt is almost too much to resist.

Sighing, he grabs Aaron’s wrists and digs them out. “This is important.”

“Okay,” Aaron says with clear concern mixing with the confusion. “What is it?”

Somehow, _I love you, please, love me back, please, say it,_ almost tumbles out, and he pushes the thought aside. Slow, Aaron wants and needs them to take it slow, and this means proving he’s trustworthy, now. Somethings, he’s going to need to push on, and some, however long it takes, he absolutely has to wait until Aaron is ready. He doesn’t want to push and end up getting some bitter, angry rant about how Aaron loves him and wishes he didn’t.

Reaching over, he traces his fingers over the shirt-clad chest. “I’m sorry. For using your scars against you and what I said in the scrapyard. I promise I never will again.”

“Good,” is Aaron’s unyielding reply. “Then, don’t, and that’ll be the end of it.”

“Aaron, please.” He tugs gently at the bottom of Aaron’s shirt.

Aaron isn’t gentle in batting his hand away. “You’ve seen them. Whether you ever use them against me again- that has nothing to do with whether you see them now or not.”

“No,” he acknowledges, “but us being together-" He pauses. "I want to be with you properly, Aaron. So, you’re never going to be completely naked around me? Never going to let me join you in the shower, again?”

“Is that what this is about?”

Irritation of his own wells up, and taking a breath, he tries to keep it out of his voice. “After everything, do you really believe this is just about sex for me? I love you, Aaron. I get dressed and undressed in front of you. I know you usually sleep with your top on anyways, but there were times before when you wouldn’t. Because you wanted to sleep without it next to me.”

“Or I was just too worn-out or lazy to grab it and put it back on,” Aaron counters.

“Whatever,” Robert snaps. “The point is, though, you felt safe and comfortable enough to do it. What kind of life are we going to have if you’re always determined I can only see certain parts of you?”

Shaking his head, Aaron looks straight ahead.

Cautiously re-establishing contact, he quietly says, “Please, Aaron. I’ve changed. However much we both wish we could, the past can’t be changed, but if you’ll give me a chance, I promise I won’t hurt you like that again.”

“I still remember how you looked when you saw this,” Aaron says with a painful crack to his voice. Lifting up his arm, he turns it so the scar is facing Robert. “At hospital, when that nurse lifted up the sheet and you saw how much more there was, all those fresh scars, I saw how you looked.”

Carefully tracing the big scar and the little ones surrounding it, he replies, “You mean how I saw you in incredible pain, didn’t know how to help, and knew that some of it, you being so hurt, emotionally and physically, and seriously ill on top of that, was on me?”

Kissing the big scar, he sets Aaron’s arm down. “Let’s get this out. I’ve used you cutting as something to throw at you. I’ve brought up your scars, because, they were undeniable evidence of that. And I’ll regret doing that, both, for the rest of my life. But please, I’m begging you, don’t call me a liar when I say this: I’ve never been disgusted. I’ve never thought they were ugly to look at.”

“I won’t say I don’t wish you hadn’t been hurt so badly in the past. That you hadn’t had a better support system or just somehow went for more healthier ways of coping. But all that hurt, you survived it, and they’re proof. You’re still here, you were hurt in terrible ways, some of that hurt is always going to be around, but you’re still here.”

He sighs. “I know, if it were a little cooler outside, you’d be wearing long-sleeves, too. I’m guessing you were comfortable enough with Ed that you didn’t run off to change in the bathroom or always keep him from seeing you fully during sex. And I swear, I’m not saying this to have a go, but when Jackson was alive, if you’d had them then, based on how much you obviously loved him, how better you said he made you and drew you out, he likely would have gotten that, too.”

Part of him has always wondered if Jackson or Ed, but Jackson especially, knew about Gordon. He doesn’t imagine Ed did, but whether Aaron told Jackson or not- maybe, someday, they’ll be in a good enough, secure enough, place he can ask.

Beside him, Aaron makes a frustrated noise and suddenly strips his shirt off, tosses it aside, and refuses to look over at Robert.

Feeling his heart twist, Robert traces one of the newer scars.

After he’s traced several, Aaron crawls up fully onto the bed and lies down. When Robert comes up beside him, he looks up with tentative, wary eyes and tugs on Robert’s shirt. “You, too, then.”

Shrugging his shirt off, Robert continues tracing all of the scars before moving on to kissing and licking at them.

Eventually, Aaron pulls him up and kisses him. “I want to be with you properly, too. So, what’s going to stop you, then? From using them against me when things go bad? And they will, that’s not me being- all relationships go through bad periods. Even the best.”

“Yeah, but I love you, and I’ve accepted that, now. I want to be with you, and I’m not running from that, anymore.” Lying on his side, he wraps his hands around one of Aaron’s. “I’m going to mess up, sometimes, Aaron, and so are you. There’ll be times we hurt each other. The difference is, after you almost died,” he strokes the big scar, “after I had to deal with almost losing you, I can’t use that against you, again. It’s selfish, I’m not denying that, but it’d hurt me too much.”

“And also,” he continues, “I know that the way I lash out isn’t good. That hurting other people isn’t the right way to deal with my own hurt. More than that, I don’t want to be that person, anymore. So, when there are problems, I’m going to try my best not to fall back on that.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Aaron says. Looking up, he gives a sad smile. “But, Robert, that’s easier said than done.”

“Well, I think by this point, we’ve both proven neither of us is a quitter," he says.

Aaron smiles fully up at him, and Robert feels his heart beating painfully fast.

Then, Aaron kisses him, and it starts slow but quickly becomes more.

Pulling back, Robert asks, “Do you think we should wait a bit?”

“No,” is Aaron’s firm reply. “Mum and Liv are out, you made me breakfast in bed like the soft lad you are,” squirming, he glares at Robert’s tickling, “and I want to be with my boyfriend properly without having to deal with everyone complaining about the noise or just us being interrupted. We can take a shower after, if ya want.” He pulls Robert back down for an even deeper kiss, and Robert happily goes along with it.


End file.
